Yo Dog…

I am extremely excited right now because I am a huge Grey Knights fan (and have been since I was introduced to 40k). Today,¬†Games Workshop announced the new Grey Knights, including the Grey Knight Nemesis Dreadknight. It looks goofy at first glance, but I think it’ll be very cool on the table. Even though I’m positive on the Dreadknight, I couldn’t resist…


(Most of the credit for this joke goes to my good friend John.)

Cyclopean Footprints in the Sand

Darn! I had this sitting in the hopper for a while, and I forgot to publish it! This, of course, is based on the multitude of poems called “Footprints in the Sand,” but this is a different take…

Cyclopean Footprints in the Sand

In sleep, I dreamed a dream
of calming fantasy.
I walked beside my Lord
on sand along the sea.

The sky was bright, scenes of my life
were pictured there for me to see.
From birth until that fateful day
when troubled times confounded me.

Below each scene, etched in the sand
our footprints walked the dreamland shore.
Two sets, I saw, walked hand in hand
until the scenes of weeks before.

I thought my Lord had walked with me,
to hold my hand through darkest day.
But when my life was at its worst
it seemed that he had gone away.

I went unto my Lord and begged,
“My Lord, why did you disappear?
I vowed that I would follow you,
but in black days, you leave me here.”

But my dread Lord Cthulhu spoke,
“Fool mortal, I am he who sleeps!
Eternally I lie and watch.
Death touches not the shadowed deeps.”

He spoke once more in dreaming verse,
into my fragile brain.
Each syllable, a croaking curse,
that then drove me insane.

“Oh no, my mad apprentice, when your days were dark, I knew!
The single set of footprints is when I devoured you.”

Chuck Werner, 2010

D&D Horoscopes

Since I’m closing on a house next week, I haven’t had the time to make posts, or even come up with insightful thoughts about gaming, nor touch a single miniature with glue or paint. Sorry.

But I did have time to come up with this, based on a Facebook comment I made today:

Dungeons & Dragons Horoscopes

November 10, 2010

Bugbear (March 21-April 19): Your future is a mystery. If you can’t cast divination, find someone who can, and soon.

Mind Flayer (April 20-May 20): Art is a powerful trade. But since there’s no corresponding skill in 4th Edition, your Dungeon Master won’t let you do it for money.

Beholder (May 21-June 21): Be careful not to get caught up in things that take focus away from your true goals. Now is not the time to use your deck of many things.

Tarrasque (June 22-July 22): An opportunity to save money will present itself, but beware of mimics bearing gifts.

Bulette (July 23-Aug. 22): You need freedom in your social life. It’s time to put some distance between you and that needy NPC.

Displacer Beast (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Live like you’ve already achieved your dreams and hope that your Dungeon Master understands how to ¬†build encounters .

Carrion Crawler (Sept. 23-Oct. 23): If you set your goals low, you will accomplish them, but you’re only making it harder to get to the next level. (Wait, this one sounds real.) By level, we mean literally your character level. (There, now it’s fixed.)

Otyugh (Oct. 24-Nov. 21): Today, take steady aim on your goal and don’t be afraid to spend your action points early.

Gelatinous Cube (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Your sway over other people is getting stronger. Now may be the time to build a stronghold.

Owlbear (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You are an honest and insightful person. However, don’t forget that most monsters don’t care.

Invisible Stalker (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Today, a strange meeting with a cloaked figure will go horribly wrong when you realize that it’s the guy who got away that time you were in the evil temple and managed to defeat that zombie giant. Remember? You guys ran in headlong, but it was cleverly trapped and you whined for hours about how you should have gotten Perception checks when I specifically asked if you wanted to look around the room before charging? Yeah, it’s that guy.

Rust Monster (Feb. 19-March 20): You may find yourself ill prepared for a task if you forget to buy an adventurer’s kit before leaving town.